I guess I’m not good enough..no matter how hard I try or no matter how much I try explaining how I feel. I hate this feeling. I’ll never be enough to make someone feel like the first choice.
So my Dad cuts his own hair but today he accidentally shaved off all of his hair on the side of his head. Now he’s sad but I can’t help but laugh. I’m a horrible daughter haha
"Are they on your mind?
and are not in your life?
its not an accident, pray for them
there’s a spiritual purpose that
isnt seen with the natural eyes"
Today’s the day that I fast. For the past couple days I have been preparing my heart for today. A few times I felt like I had to back out because I thought I wasn’t ready. I have this whole agenda; wake up, pray, and spend the whole day in devotion. You know as I was praying I was submitting my needs before God and I have realized that for the past couple months I have been angry with myself. It was made clear to me that I have been beating myself up for what had happened. Instead of forgiving myself for what I have done, I walked all over myself. This morning I resubmited myself to God. I prayed that God will use me for his Glory, that he will wash me white as snow, that from today on that I trust in him. Yeah a few tears streamed down on my face but when you kneel before God and call upon God you let go of yourself and give yourself to him. You stop thinking about all the worldly things and submit yourself in his presence; just you and God. I prayed that God would send an angel to watch over me, in everything I do. Just like God sent an angel to Mary when became pregnant, I prayed that God would send an angel to be with me. When I lose faith, when I doubt myself, when I lose trust in him, when temptation comes my way that I will turn and look to God. I think I’m full of doubts, what is my future gonna look like, what is going to happen next? God puts situations in our lives for a reason. We can’t look back and dwell on the past, we gotta move forward and make the bad situations a blessing. That every bad thing that happens in our lifes would be used for God’s glory. That our troubles and sticky situations would be a testimony to change other people’s lives. That we go though bad things because God has something greater planned. Today as I have submitted my life 100% to God I have made a personal decision that I would live a life God intended me to; I wouldn’t lie, steal, misuse the name of God, that I would honor my parents, that I would be a leader and set an example to the people around me. I made a decision that from today on that I put God first in everything I say and do. A decision so pleasing to God that when the day comes and I’m standing in front of God at the judgment table, that I’d tell him I used every talent and every blessing you have given me and I have nothing left. That God will judge me for all the right I have done in my life. That he would be proud of me and shower me with good things. From today I move forward and accept all the bad and turn it into good.
I miss driving. I miss going out. I miss freedom.
No matter what color our skin is, no matter what denomination we believe in, no matter what cultural background we come from, no matter what socioeconomic world we live in; We have fellowship with everyone we meet in our life. And the blood of Jesus Christ cleanses us from all sin. When you are in the light (meaning that you believe Christ died for your sins and mine and you truly believe that with all your heart) people will see Christ’s love in your life. It’s love that everyone sees.
It’s not our words; our words are not what is gonna stop us on our tracks. Our words will not change the world, everyone’s heard it all. It’s not our buildings; as grand and beautiful as some of our church buildings are, it’s not the architecture that’s gonna change the world. What will change the world is when we begin to love each other. And when we begin to love the world. And when we begin to reach out to the needy; the sick, the ones living in poverty, our friends who are going through a tough times. When the world sees that kind of love, im talking about undeniable love. I believe they will stop in their tracks and say “Yo! Whatever you have over there. I want some of that. I want some of that for me.” When our houses are so packed full of love, that we gotta open the back door to let it oooze into the valleys and the suburbs and the city streets. When the world sees that kind of love; real love. They are gonna stop in their tracks and they’re gonna say “Hey whatever you got over there I want some of that. I want some of Jesus in my life. I want to be in the light and away from this darkness”
"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." 1 John 3:16-18 NIV